I’m terrible at remembering shit.
If I lay something, like my cell phone or remote, in the kitchen when I get ready to cook, I’ll repeatedly say the name of the object I’m trying to remember. This way I think I won’t forget to pick it up. Then, before too long, I end up making a song out of the name of the object. Completely forgetting about it, I walk into my room singing my new song with my plate of food and no whatever-the-fuck I forgot in the kitchen.
So I’ll be sitting there eating my soup, stop, and think “….why the hell am I singing a song solely with the word ‘sock’ in it?”
I’m just bad at remembering anything. I forget what I’m typing in my post if I wait too long. If I stop in the middle of a sentence, look up to see a commercial, look back down and read “it ended up alright, because the bees ” ……….ffffuuuuuu
What the hell was I just saying? The bees could have been doing anything! I mean, I guess it was ok? Memory jog, bees….bees….see-sawing on a bees nest…..no,…..getting stung in the eye by a bee?…..no, no, that’s not alright….WHAT THE HELL WAS I SAYING?
Then I read what I previously wrote, and I realize,
I make no fucking sense. This context isn’t helping me at ALL. Why the hell was I just talking about pizza in honey sauce? WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY HEAD?
I also forget birthdays like it’s nobody’s business. This isn’t a huge problem nowadays with the help of Facebook which politely informs me of important events, but sometime it can be really awkward.
Ricky: What did you get Justin?
Ricky: Justin, your boyfriend….what did you get him?
Me: Why the hell would I get him anything? He should get ME things! He won’t even carry me to my classes!
Ricky: ….you have to cross the highway for your class-…NO, wait no, for his birthday
Me:……..will you carry me to the store?
If you’re wondering, I have to be carried to places because I have motorphobia*
Facebook is also useless at helping me with this when I haven’t visited for a few days. I get to school and my friend is pissed off, and I say “Hey, do you need some Midol? I have some with me…”
I also seem to forget I’m on Facebook a lot. I’ll check it for three seconds to see if I have any notifications, then switch tabs. This is usually followed by me dicking around the internet, and hearing “ping!”
….the fuck was
What’s that…where’s that coming from?
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? IS AN AD PLAYING?
*hysterically searches and closes multiple tabs before getting to Facebook*
*looks at Webpage*
Friend: I need the homework
Friend: Are you there?
Friend: …..did you leave your tabs open again?
Me: No. I’m not retarded. *logs off*
I think I have an early early early form of Alzheimer’s. A lot of my friends are also incredibly forgetful like I am, so to make myself feel better, I tell myself “The smarter you are the more things you forget….like dreams…wait no, that’s backwards.” Regarding that, apparently, the more dreams you remember the more intelligent you are. Science tells us this. So, in the real world, my theory makes sense! Yeah, if you can’t remember you dreams a lot you had better go read some books.
You learned something today!
Unless you jackasses already knew that.
I also forget to feed myself and my dogs a lot. I’m better at feeding my dogs because now I have an alarm SPECIFICALLY for feeding my dogs. I do not, however, have an alarm for feeding myself. This isn’t an awesome “oh you must lose weight!” No, you psychopath pro-anorexics, this is “Shit I forget to eat today *makes way to much food for a normal person and complains to all of my friends that there’s no way I can eat all this, then eats it all*
…..*then gets fat*
My dinner actually just went down like that.
I also forgot to take my birthcontrol pills a lot. I was originally taking them for PCOS, but once I got Boyfriend, this almost became a problem. I never forgot them leading up to visiting him and while he was here, but I forget them all the fucking time. My “feed the dog” alarm, functioned secondary as a “take your birth control” alarm.
I am ingenuous.
Almost so as much when I was supposed to get braces again but I just tied floss around my teeth instead!
….We might talk about that later
Also I’ve had this post 3/4th’s written for a week but I’m lazy. Maybe that can be the subject of my next blog.
I don’t really have to be carried to places**
**I really do have motorphobia