I want to write a blog about my cat.
“BUT SKYLAR,” you yell, gripping your hair in frustration “YOU WRITE BLOGS ABOUT YOUR CATS ALL THE TIME! YOU ALREADY HAVE FIVE POSTS ABOUT CATS, AND WITH ONLY 30 POSTS, THAT’S ABOUT 78% OF ALL OF YOUR TOPICS!”
No, my dear friend who is terrible at math, (I’m actually terrible at math but for now I’m going to pretend it’s you really making these accusations and coming up with terrible numbers) you’re wrong.
So you haven’t met this cat yet. This is Oldie.
By the way, Oldie isn’t really blue. She’s all white, and I didn’t really know how to convey that to you without a black background, so I opted for her to be blue instead.
Besides, blue is pretty.
Her name isn’t really Oldie mind you, we just call her that because she’s the oldest animal in the house. She’s actually older than my younger sister. She’s only 12 years old, but that’s really old for a white cat. Due to genetics and mutations white cats rarely live to be over nine.
So Oldie is really old, and mom understand this, so she’s really worried about her. The cat is doing really well though. She eats and drinks normally and she still exercises, though she’s not nearly as active as she used to be.
Oh, and also, that pink spot on her back, that’s where she’s balding.
It’s weird. We think it’s because she’s such a giant slut and had eight litters of kittens.
Well of course of kittens. Not fucking baby alligators. Damn I’m dumb.
Well, It may have been from the large amount of litters, the stress the litters brought her, or the fact she’s an old white cat.
Also I’m a good owner, I got my cat spayed.
It was just eight litters down the road.
Oldie is a prodigy in her own right, because six years ago she taught herself how to use the bathroom in the toilet. How pro is that? If only prodigy cat could learn, then he would be the ultimate prodigy.
Oh shit. Oldie was just sitting on my bed as I was writing this blog when she got up really fast and ran away. Turns out, she got off my bed and ran into my sisters room to throw up instead of doing it in my room.
Although, Dinosaur Boyfriend raises a good point. I’m now not sure if she walked into my sisters room to throw up as a favor to me, or she walked into my sisters room and threw up as a reaction.
In all honesty it was probably the latter.
Some of the litters Oldie has had have been really bizarre. Two of her litters consisted of only one kitten. None of them had been eaten by her or died as she was giving birth, because we were there throughout the entire birth. Of course there’s the chance most were absorbed in the stomach by the single kitten. This would make sense, as my fat black cat I had previously blogged about happened to be one of those single litters.
Another weird litter was….also Zeus. She had mated with an orange tabby, and being a white cat, had an…..all black kitten?
This cat is all black. There’s not a single hair of white on him.
What the hell genetics?
Unless she was cheating on the orange tom. But that would be like a soap opera and we’re not doing that.
Before I end this, I want to point out, the other day I spent two and a half hours trying to get a tracking app for my blog so I could see how many people were visiting.
That’s how dedicated to being a creep I am.
Two and a half hours.
Process that information as you will. If you’re as creepy as I am, you’ll probably think “That’s not even very long.”
Because you’re creepy.