There are so many reasons I’m not allowed to drive.

I have socks with monsters on them, but I digress.
Not that there’s anything to digress about since I haven’t actually started talking about anything.
but I digress.
Also we didn’t die on our camping trip. Mostly thanks to my How To Survive in the Wild tips.

But that’s not what I want to talk about right now. I just wanted to talk about what a psychopath I am.
I’m terrified of cars. I’m on the thin line between “needs to see a therapist” and “NEEDS TO GET HER FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER, a.k.a REALLY needs to see a therapist”
I don’t know where this fear sprung from. Maybe from the time I was hit by a car.
Maybe THAT OTHER TIME I was hit by a car
Maybe I’m just afraid of cars because they’re GIANT FUCKING METAL DEATH TRAPS THAT EVERY TIME YOU GET IN ONE YOU HAVE THE STRONG POSSIBILITY OF DYING.

You guys just zoom these things 70 miles down the god damn road and don’t even give no shit. If one of those giant pieces of screaming metal hit another giant piece of screaming metal, YOU WOULD DIE
And that happens
all the time
AND YOU GUYS DON’T EVEN CARE

I’m so paranoid. I put my boyfriend through so much shit when I’m driving somewhere with him. It doesn’t help that he lived on campus in a town that had free public transit everywhere for college students so he didn’t get much driving experience, or that he just moved here so he doesn’t know where anything is.

our trips usually go something like this:

Justin: alright, where do I turn?
Me: uhh, get in the left lane and and turn in through here BUT DON’T GET HIT BY A CAR
Justin: *waits for there to be a huge gap in cars, makes the turn*
Me: *makes the most horrific face possible while grabbing the sides of my head*

Me: Oh my god Justin…..we almost got smashed by that car
Justin: No we didn’t Skylar.
Me: YES WE DID I SAW IT WE WERE SO CLOSE
Justin: you’re being ridiculous.

Justin: Alright where do I turn into now?
Me: Merge to the far right lane BUT BE CAREFUL YOU’RE GOING FASTER THAN THE CARS IN THE RIGHT LANE
Justin:……because I’m in the fast lane
Me: I KNOW SO BE CAREFUL AND DON’T GET HIT BY A CAR
Justin: *merges into right lane*
Me: CAREFUL YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE THE CAR YOU JUST PULLED IN FRONT OF HIT US
Justin: *looks in rear view mirror.* *The car is about 500 feet away*

Justin: Okay…where do I turn in.
Me: Just follow where that car went. BUT STOP BEFORE YOU TURN AND DON’T GET HIT BY THAT CAR THAT’S COMING. Now get that parking space by the red car over there….CAREFUL DON’T GET HIT

It’s like I think “if I yell ‘DON’T GET IT’ as part of my directions, he will follow them and we will not get hit”
LOGIC
SOUND. LOGIC.

And you know what? We’ve not been hit yet.

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