I am the winner. They were coming from the window my air conditioner was in. They made a little society on the side of my chimney and lived there, thriving, sneaking into my house through the tiniest cracks beside my air conditioner. I tried duct tape, and was unsuccessful. I tried spearing their tiny bodies on toothpicks and putting them outside the window on show to the others as a threat, but it was to no avail. They kept coming, marching their tiny, disgusting army into my house. There was one stinkbug, then three, then eight, then 14, then OH GOD WHERE DO THEY KEEP COMING FROM.
But I finally won.
The air conditioner is in a window directly beside and a little above the end of my bed. I very much prefer being cold to hot, so I like to keep the air conditioner near me, much to my boyfriend’s chagrin. This is why the stinkbugs were such a threat. They would crawl in through tiny openings and suddenly they were right beside me on my bed. Watching me sleep, watching me breath, breathing my air. Like some kind of uninvited rapist.
Then again I guess all rapists would be uninvited, yeah?
Me and my dinosaur boyfriend moved the air conditioner out of the window, which was a retarded mistake because his tiny arms couldn’t even hold it.
But we got it out! He actually put it down on the bed, which was a bad idea because it started leaking everywhere. It hadn’t been blowing for a few hours so we thought it would be ok and not leak everywhere. Shortly after we freaked out and moved the air conditioner off the bed and on the floor instead then put all our blankets and sheets into the drier, he had to leave for work. Leaving me alone and unprotected with all the stinkbugs.
I ran into the guest bedroom where we keep our screen for the window the air conditioner was in and struggled to put it back on the window. This was partly due to the fact I was afraid of stinkbugs flying on my face while I was hanging there halfway outside the window, and partly because I’m an idiot.
But still, after the air conditioner was removed and the screen was in place, they were still getting in. I don’t know where the hell they were coming from, I still don’t really, I just patched up a couple slivers of spaces that may be able to possible allow the fat, ugly bodies of the stinkbugs crawl in. I’m hoping the last few I saw were stragglers that were already in before I fixed everything about my window.
Now I take sport in opening my window and flicking my screen and watching the all fall off at once. Because I am the dominant species and the winner of this house.