I’m afraid of a lot of things, as pointed out by a friend sometime ago. Maybe listing them will help me get over it as everyone assures me I’m psychotic being afraid of these things, or maybe listing them will force me to think harder about them and everything terrifying.
1. I’m afraid of thumbtacks falling on the ground. I have to find them, and nothing will stop me before I do. Have you ever stepped on a thumb tack? It fucking hurts. This fear is justified.
2. I’m afraid of lightning. And tornadoes. And earthquakes. And hurricanes. Mostly lightning and tornadoes. Do I really need to justify this? Lightning holds the power of a small nuke, you’re stupid not to be afraid of lightning. I’m pretty sure everyone is really afraid of lightning in the first place. But if you try to tell me you’re not afraid of lightning then I’ll have to triple dog dare you to go out in a full suit of armor and play some golf during a storm.
3. I’m afraid of being in a car wreck. It’s so bad I can’t even stand to drive, so I don’t. This stems from one of the times I was hit by a car, and the thought that no one survives any car wrecks even though my mother has totally survived like five. A priest hit me for anyone who is curious, and didn’t even offer to buy me another bike after the incident. Dick.
4. I’m afraid of tiny spiders. The thought that they can be anywhere on your body at any given time is paralyzing. What if they crawled in to one of the many dark recesses of your body, and now they live there with you? They could be in your ears for all you know.
5. Bugs crawling into my ears. Do you KNOW HOW CLOSE YOUR EARS ARE TO YOUR BRAIN? They’re like a tiny gateway into painful hospital experiences. My mom’s room mate in college had a cockroach crawl into her ear at night, and explained the experience as simply excruciating. The scratching in your ear as it moves closer to its destination, the noises it must make as it slithers its way further in. Even worse, what if a spider gets in there and lays tiny eggs? Is that possible? I really don’t know, but I’m afraid of it.
6. Getting surgery. I’m always afraid that there’s no way I’m going to make it out alive. I have some of the worst luck regarding ratios in the world. This is part of the reason I’m afraid of lightning- I feel like out of all the 100 people it kills a year in the entire US, I’m going to be one of them. And I mean why not? Someone has to be. This is kind of the opposite of how most people in their early years feel, and I hate everyone for it.
7. Small circles grouped together with other smaller circles inside them. I don’t know why. Maybe because it looks like a nest of eggs and thousands of horrific creatures could scurry out of them at any moment.
8. Going through a house while it’s pitch black. I’m always afraid something is going to be in there that shouldn’t. Now I want to point out I’m not afraid of the dark, only what I can’t see while it’s dark. I can sit in my room in pitch black- I don’t care. That’s how I prefer to sleep. I can walk around a room, even an unfamiliar one in the darkness without it bothering me much. Unless you know, someone dropped me off in a strange room in the middle of the night and every time I tried to touch the walls I felt something warm and sticky. In that case I would be very afraid of wandering through that strange room in the dark.
9. People will hate me. This has made me question my ability to be a serious author. When you put your stuff out there on the internet everyone in the entire world can tell you how awful you are. Everyone can also tell you how good you are, but come on, we all know what’s more likely to happen.
These are my fears, and I’m sure I’m afraid of way more things if I really set my mind to it, but as of right now these are all of the things I’m afraid of.
And murderers, too