Christmas Trees for Paris Hilton Wannabees

During October a couple weeks before Halloween my boyfriend and I went to the mall. We were there for Halloween decorations and decided to stop into Elder Beerman’s. Looking around we noticed they had a very small Halloween section. Six or seven large objects like outside decorations. This is to be expected, it’s a store that sells cothes and kitchen utensils (which is a strange enough combination in the first place) We then started to walk towards the back, and lo’ and behold, a giant fucking Christmas section.


We browse the ornaments for a bit while questioning peoples morals and sanity, then we get to the Christmas tree section. They’re selling four or five plastic Christmas trees, all of them pre-decorated. There are a few green ones, a white one, and in the corner, in all of its horrific glory, a hot pink one.


It stared at me with the intensity of a lion. A giant, gaudy lion who hates itself. I really disliked white Christmas trees, but at least they’re not that.

Fed up with all this it’s-not-even-halloween-yet nonsense we promptly left.

As you all know Black Friday has come and gone this past week. Me and Boyfriend went out near the end of it, after all the good deals were gone along with all of the crazies. We were perusing the stores when we once again stopped at Elder Beermans. It wasn’t before Halloween, and their holiday section was not going to make me barf because of it. We went into the holiday section (not any larger than it was weeks prior to Halloween) and looked through some of the ornaments. Then we came up to the Christmas trees, I looked towards where the awful pink one sat, and guess what I saw?
Someone had bought that horrid tree.

I know this is what you all look like right now
I know this is what you all look like right now

I cried, cried for humanity. Cried for the people who bought this legitimately thinking it looked good. And most of all, I cried for their relatives.

This is almost definitely what transpired
This is almost definitely what it looks like at its new home. The 80’s

I mean come on, who buys pink Christmas trees? And what do I have to do to be able to punch them in the face?


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