Google search hits make me feel dirty

So my writing isn’t that popular, and that’s alright. I write because I love to write, and because one day I hope maybe I can use some of these posts in a portfolio for freelancing. Sometimes though I think about the hundreds and thousands of people out there on wordpress, and that there has to be a good few people at least who find me funny. Come on, people find pretty some stupid shit funny. I don’t even mean stupid shit like something that’s really simple, I mean shit like how people find some guy smacking some other guy in the face with a dildo completely hilarious. Come on, I’m at least as funny as a dildo. Also, some people find dry humor funny. If there are people out there who think dry humor is funny then someone like me who possesses perfect comedic timing and wields the the type of humor at the top of the pyramid of humor (situational humor) has got to have some kind of following. Still trying to find them.

So anyways, I have been getting a lot of hits thanks to google lately. This makes me feel a little dirty. You see, people keep searching “pink Christmas tree” and “Paris Hilton Christmas tree” (the fuck?), and that worries me a little. I’m not sure if these are the horrible people window shopping on google, or people like me who are masters of ironic humor and satire and they are also looking up blasphemous holiday trees so they too can say to their friends “look at this thing no on in their right mind should ever get!” then all their friends, who are equally funny and good people, all laugh and agree.
And if you want to know what the pyramid of humor is
Think about all those people out there who legitimately want to put a pink or purple or “paris hilton” Christmas tree in their house. I have a good estimate of that number now.
And it’s only so low because I’m so unpopular.

In the last 15 years of Christmases I can actually remember my grandma has gone through three different trees. These trees only got more gaudy as they went. The first tree was a standard fake christmas tree. It was green and had white lights. The second one was a green fake tree as well, but she swapped the white lights for colours lights. Personally I don’t like coloured lights as much as white lights, but I think they can still be pretty. I just think they look a little….aggressively cheerful. This year she got another tree. It’s darker green and covered in GIANT MULTI-COLOURED LIGHT BULBS, and strung in between those light bulbs are smaller multi-coloured light bulbs. It’s really intense. I can just picture, another 15 years down the line, a hot pink tree sitting in the corner of the room, decked out in purple and gold tinsel, just like hell.


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